Last day of March:

What a gloomy end to the month. It was rainy and windy and just all around depressing today. I will admit that the weather today has gotten me down. Grumpy and not wanting to do anything today... that was me.

Food List:
Breakfast: honey nut Cheeros with skim milk
Snack: Popcorn. Diet Pepsi
Lunch: Meijer Deli- 2 Chicken tenders. Mac&Cheese. Roll. Diet Coke. Water.
Dinner: Frosted Flakes with skim milk
Snack: Garnolia Bar to go with my vitamins. Green Tea. Water.

Exercise: 1 Mile. A tough mile but Locke and I did it.

Thoughts on eating.

One thing that I remember one of the ladies at Weight Watchers saying when I went to a meeting is that if you follow a skinny person around and eat as they eat, you WILL lose weight. Here is my thought on that.... 'Are you kidding me! I need some food!!' :) No really... it is almost as if I panic when I think that I will not feel full. It all comes around to that need to not feel empty. Not to be empty.

I also know that when I do not eat... my mood is different. I KNOW that my mood is controlled by food. When I am hungry I am like a beast! As soon as I eat, it is a complete change. I have even had people point this out to me. So I guess what it comes down to is- Do not over eat, have a light snack if I am hungry so my mood is not out of control, and make much better choices when it comes to food. It is so easy to say, now the work starts because I have to do it.

I made sure to make a note of the things that I have eaten today to share with you all. I know arent you just so excited! :) I actually loved that I needed to be accountable to my friends and family who read this. I even said to myself 'do you really want to put down that you ate that!?'

Breakfast: nothing, this could be part of the problem
Lunch: Salad bar with Melissa. Bowl of Split Pea soup. Salad with cheese, croutons, olives, bacon bits, and raspberry vingerette. Diet Coke.
Snack: Popcorn. 1/2 pack of fat free gummi bears
Dinner: Subway. Foot Long meatball with provlone cheese and green pepper. 1 Chocolate Chip cookie. Water
Snack: Garnola bar to go with vitimins, water, green tea.

Exercise: 2 mile walk with Locke. No need ot yell at me today!! :)

Decisions.

Soooo I was sitting here just stairing at a picture taken of me this weekend at the Lowell Expo where I had a booth for my theater and all I can think is 'I think I should have gotten the 1X because the XL seems a little, well, tight. Such a shame!

So now as if you need to care more- I will be writing down what I eat everyday after my post and if I exercised or not for the day. If not please yell at me... and I mean it!! Also if you ever want to go for a walk on a nice day... call me and I will come to you!!

So enough about my weight. I have another thing weighing on my thoughts...
I want to become a Pure Romance Consultant. What do you all think? I love the idea of empowering woman with their own sexuality, and about empowering themselves just in general. Would this be the kind of party that you would have or even go to? Would you have one thrown in your home? I went to one and had such a great time just spending time with other women. I have not laughed that hard in a long time! I love that it is 18 and older women only with no children or men. If my decision is not made by Tuesday the starter packages go off sale. Though you will still get a big discount, even more off is great! No really... what do you think?

Well I am off to take my dog for a walk. At least 1 mile... hopefully it is not too cold for 2. :) I will start my food journal tomorrow.

What do I know?

Can I do it? Do I even have the faith in myself needed to lose weight? Where can I find it!?

I feel frustrated. I am upset with myself for letting it get this out of hand. I am so tired of looking at myself this way.... but I have no idea where to start to change it.

Yummy doughnuts.

I can not pass the bakery at Meijer with out getting a doughnut! I must find a new path. Sadly I need to walk through the bakery to get to the Health and Beauty department.... Welp, if this is going to work it looks like I will stay towards the vegetable side. They never seem to call as loudly to me.

I think it is about making a whole life change. Can I do it?

The truth

The truth: 209.o

That is the sad honest truth. I spent a lot of time today thinking about the reasons that I eat. I know that I am an emotional eater. I think that goes with out saying. I would like to blame all my eating issues on my mother passing away, but I think two years later I am not able to use that as an excuse anymore.

What I came up with is.... I love food and eating it makes me happy. I like the way it fills me up. I feel empty emotionally most of the time and eating makes it go away for a moment. My thoughts are always how can I make that emptiness never go away. Now how do I fix this?

I ate like a crazy woman today.... as my last day of free eating. Now for every bite I take I need a reason. Yeah right we will see how long that lasts, but it is my mission.

I have decided to set little goals for myself. I bought a pair of 14 ANA jeans form JC Penny. I love them, but even when I bought them they were snug... now they are just uncomfortable! My first goal is to wear these jeans comfortably.


Heres to another day.

A new day.

Tomorrow is a new day. Starting tomorrow I will begin to share my weight loss path with anyone who reads this. I know not many people DO read this, and thats okay because I am sure many, many embarrassing facts will be put on this blog. I need someplace to put my thoughts and my struggles.